real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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