Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
