this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
