I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
