This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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