i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
