I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
