the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
