i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
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Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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