Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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