he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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