Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
