am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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