Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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