Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
