i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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