We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
