You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
