I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
