fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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