I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize