I like to think it a success when the cops are called
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
