So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
