It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
