There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
