she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
