Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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