well I can't set my house on fire every night
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
