all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
