my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize