I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
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I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
wow bdsm is so cute
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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