I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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