The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize