I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
