one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
