My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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