Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
