Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
