just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
FUCK WHALES
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
