I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
