Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
