Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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