I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
