Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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