Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
