one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
