dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
