haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
