So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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