...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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