Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize