she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
