It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
