I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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