im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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