and you said cock pushups were impossible
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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