He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
