very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
