remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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