I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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