I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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