I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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