She is in my trunk
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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