yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
