ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
