Me. At least after what I've been through.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
