She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
